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The Marble Jar

by Alex Kahn

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1.
I used to wander Halsey Backwards in the bike lane Had afternoon for breakfast And loitered in parades Then a symphony of sirens Wailed inside my brain And all my lines escaped me The curtain collapsed on the stage (Ah) Tell me this do I exist Or am I just bearing witness To some god whose got some mill to grist (Ah) Please end this confusion soon I canā€™t get out of my living room All I see is doom and gloom and tombs (Ah) Life can be long when you donā€™t belong here Now Iā€™m kneeling for the masses That call for heads to roll If itā€™s sacrifice theyā€™re after Well Iā€™m grateful for the role The dizziness of freedom Churns like a tilt a whirl No effervescent tablet or eucharist Could keep me from needing to hurl (Ah) Mount me to a crucifix Just so people know that I exist And Iā€™ll relish in their boos and hisses (Ah) Wafting through the muggy air I smell popcorn, whiskey, and despair Smiling on the electric chair (Ah) Life can be long when you donā€™t belong here So long If I could do it over Iā€™d savor every miss Build statues of my juries Save my pennies and ditch the wish I would yodel in the mountain I would battle in the dome I would wander on forever And always feel at home Life can be long when you donā€™t belong here
2.
Itā€™s been cloudy since I moved to LA They mustā€™ve known that I was headed this way Just ask Norman Lear Heā€™s been here for years He says heā€™s never seen it this way I hear the weather In Brooklynā€™s been nice Yeah they finally got rid of the mice Since Iā€™ve been gone It didnā€™t take very long So itā€™s no surprise to say Thatā€™s itā€™s been cloudy since I moved to LA Oh jealousy is such a tragedy When the paradise you pine Just becomes a place to a hide The grass is always green Thatā€™s how itā€™s meant to be Thereā€™s no pot of gold waiting Underneath the 103 Sometimes I think Iā€™ll move to Cancun Though I much prefer my living room They got Fer de Lance snakes And I got Jonathan Frakes So thereā€™s really no room for debate And Iā€™d love to go home back to Philly To me thereā€™s nowhere else quite as pretty Please donā€™t judge me I needed vitamin D And I never intended to stay But itā€™s been cloudy since I moved to LA Oh jealousy is such a tragedy When the people that you love Donā€™t even seem quite good enough The grass is always green Thatā€™s how itā€™s mean to be It doesnā€™t matter where you are Unless youā€™re terraforming Mars But Golden stars And hip juice bars Wonā€™t ever cure my ails And all the clowns in tinsel town They only bring me down So you see Learn from me It doesnā€™t make much sense To take a plane or change your name To try and run away Cause itā€™s been cloudy Since I moved To LA Yeah itā€™s been cloudy So fucking cloudy Since I moved To LA
3.
As I recline on the leather Free-associating I think you must like me better Than the patients you keep waiting Or clients as you call them Are you bored with their problems Do my stories make you teary Or do you just have just allergies Oh no woe woe Picked last for the kickball game Oh no woe woe Wet the bed and cried in shame Oh no, woe woe The bully said my shoes were lame Oh no woe woe woe I bet youā€™ve never heard problems like this I bet you never met someone This troubled since Oedipus Iā€™m gifted Iā€™m drama Stop asking ā€˜bout my mama Hereā€™s a tissue if you starting to mist Oh Iā€™m In love with my therapist I donā€™t know much about you Except a few simple facts You live somewhere out in Jersey With two birds and a cat And after spilling all my secrets I think I deserve a little more Than telling me your favorite Girl Scout cookie flavor is sā€™ more Oh no woe woe Did I step over the line Oh no woe woe When I texted you happy 4th of July Oh no woe woe Iā€™ll only text you if itā€™s an emergency next time Oh no woe woe woe Nobody listens to me like you do And if I didnā€™t have ya Oh I just wouldnā€™t have a clue About my feelings or my thoughts Or the memories I lost Or the meanings of my dreams And my patterns and my schemes Itā€™s only been a few weeks But it feels like itā€™s been more Since you took a long vacation To some Caribbean shore And I try talking to my friends But they only try to fix me And I try talking to my girlfriend But she only wants to kiss me Oh no woe woe All the walls are caving in Oh no woe woe Iā€™m fighting noonday demons Oh no woe woe Iā€™m crying to Cat Stevens Oh no woe woe woe I bet youā€™ve never heard problems like this I bet you never met someone This fucked up since Oedipus Iā€™m gifted Iā€™m drama Stop asking ā€˜bout my mama Hereā€™s a tissue if youā€™re starting to mist Oh Iā€™m in love with my therapist Not my barber not my pharmacist Oh Iā€™m in love Oh Iā€™m in love with my therapist In love With my therapist In love With my therapist
4.
Putting my feet in your face Watching the new will and grace Saving money living at my momā€™s place Iā€™m not unemployed Just in transition My poison Ivyā€™s in remission I cook with every single pan In the kitchen Oh how can you resist A long sensual kiss From the guy who shares your bathroom The stakes are just too high To risk touching your thigh I know my love is real But itā€™s the opposite of sex appeal Walking back to the car A couple of dudes outside the bar Just canā€™t wait to tell you how Pretty you are I feel my chest tightening I make a face thatā€™s menacing It doesnā€™t seem to matter that youā€™re wearing a ring Oh how can you resist A person who insists The safest bet is just to run away Oh my evolutionary advantage Is that I prefer in marriage I know my love is real But itā€™s the opposite of sex appeal I depend on you too much To ask for what I need Iā€™m not gonna distract the captain When weā€™re lost at sea Iā€™d rather jump overboard Iā€™d rather jump overboard Than let you see me Unspoken expectations Diluted adulation Forgotten celebrations Private self-gratification I know my love is real I know my love is real I know my love is real Oh but itā€™s the opposite of sex The opposite of sex The opposite of sex The opposite of sex The opposite of sex The opposite of sex appeal
5.
Hugs and Kisses Dinner and dishes Thinking of something to say When you ask about my day I went here I did that I read this I saw that Anything of interest Iā€™m keeping to myself I wanna write you a love song But my heart broke And my throatā€™s dry I wanna know I turn you on But youā€™re yawning And I know why Cause weā€™re in a three way with my phobias When I meet you I kept them hidden from ya Like I was some kind of fucking casanova Woo Hoo Lucky you Now youā€™re stuck with me too I Canā€™t ride On planes I canā€™t sleep On trains I canā€™t look at the GPS without Getting a migraine Iā€™m Grumpy Dopey Bashful And Sneezy I tried to give you only one gift For Christmas and your birthday They only fall a few days apart So I thought it would be ok I wanna write you a love song But my heart broke And my throatā€™s dry I wanna know I turn you on But youā€™re yawning And I know why Cause we're in a three way with my neuroses When I met you you thought they were endearing Now you spend every other day in therapy Woo Hoo Lucky you Now youā€™re stuck with me too I know I can do better It isnā€™t easy Itā€™s not easy for me I know you deserve better Iā€™m working hard More than you can see Iā€™m taking hints from your vision board And the way you talk about you co-worker How he listens to you and holds open doors Bet he drools over you Iā€™d be a fool to lose you I wanna hear all your stories About Colin The HR guy Iā€™ll make vegan cacciatore If you want it And I know why Cause finally itā€™s just you and me And thereā€™s nothing between us except the TV And now weā€™re self-described Trekkies Woo Hoo Lucky you Now youā€™re stuck with me too
6.
New York will never be mine New York will never be yours So letā€™s quit wasting our time Pack up and move on a dime New York will never be mine New York will never be real New York lies and it steals So if thatā€™s how you feel Itā€™s your right to appeal New York will never be real So cry if you wanna Lie if you gotta Just get out while thereā€™s still time I know thereā€™s kings and thereā€™s queens But theyā€™re all yesterdays dreams Now itā€™s all Goldman and Sachs JPMorgan and rats Preying on us furry frisbees And then thereā€™s Staten Island, Iā€™d rather cut off my hand Too many bloodthirsty cops Loitering outside of shops Theyā€™ll kill you and lie on the stand This land is your land This land is my land Until the rent gets Just too damn high man Another Whole Foods But weā€™re still hungry This lands not made for you and me And I donā€™t want to live in a city that never sleeps I donā€™t feel brand new when Iā€™m walking these streets Not really inspired Just tired New York will always be there New York will always not care And If you make it there You wonā€™t make it anywhere Because youā€™re literally trapped
7.
A dream of my old apartment Three hundred and twenty square feet Not even fit for a sardine Lingers on through the morning Vinegar and linoleum Cardboard boxes and Kirkland rum Goodbye to all of that Gotta get off of this track And Iā€™m never looking back Iā€™m just looking for some meaning But Californiaā€™s just a feeling The salty air gently seeps in Through the open window God I never felt so low Rubbing sugar on the wound Wonā€™t ever make it go away From east to west I ricochet The ocean seems so small When I'm staring at the wall And Iā€™m dreaming of the fall Iā€™m just looking for some healing But Californiaā€™s just a feeling And who cares if the grass is always greener If you spend all your time sitting in a beamer Rolling down the freeway, five miles an hour Bragging to your family about your SAG screeners And you wish that you were jumping in leave piles Drinking pumpkin spice lattes and picking apples At the Biergarten while loading up sauerkraut Youā€™ll find something else to complain about So Goodbye to all of that I Gotta get off of this track And Iā€™m never looking back Iā€™m just sick of all this seeming And Californiaā€™s just a feeling Donā€™t go chasing fireflies Just to put ā€˜em in a cage and watch ā€˜em die Let ā€˜em fly Free, and high
8.
Our Last Day 04:39
That morning you woke me up You started slamming the door You told me to rise and shine son Was still stoned from the night before Rolling down West River Drive I played a Jens song I loved It didnā€™t impress you much But I caught you humming along We didnā€™t talk about much Football and bagels and stuff I didnā€™t know this was the last time Iā€™d hear your voice Or see your face This way On our last day On our last day On our last day Together We got to the party late I met cousins that Iā€™d never seen Old ladies wearing sunglasses Playing cards and eating ice cream I made you a plate of food That you were in no state to eat Then you said "son letā€™s leaveā€ And I had just rolled a nun We didnā€™t talk about much Religion and cancer and stuff I didnā€™t know this was the last time Iā€™d hear your voice Or see your face Waving goodbye I worried That youā€™d make it home ok But I worried in vain It wasnā€™t the car that would take you away From me And from the family That you loved And adored No that would be Too easy We didnā€™t talk about much Living and dying and stuff I didnā€™t know this was the last time Iā€™d hear your voice Or see your face This way On our last day On our last day On our last day Together
9.
Lorelai 04:33
Walking down the quiet side Of Nebraska Avenue You set the pace and I abide Weā€™re getting nowhere very soon The same fire hydrant The same patch of grass The same barking migrants Distract you as we pass Lorelai, all the words I say to you Slip away like red balloons And get lost in the clouds Lorelai, you know my sky is falling down And youā€™re the cover that Iā€™ve found So donā€™t you ever leave Some days I worry youā€™ll get loose And chase the squirrel thatā€™s taunting you Iā€™ve got a few gates on the stoop A GPS collar to boot Donā€™t follow your paws Donā€™t chase that ball Wonā€™t put a poster of your face On the laundromat wall Lorelai, all the words I say to you Slip away like red balloons And get lost in the clouds Lorelai, you know my sky is falling down And youā€™re the cover that Iā€™ve found So donā€™t you ever leave As your lounging on the bed Twitching your leg to a dream I think of something I once read About a dog who lived to be twenty-three I research his diet His exercise plan I want you to try it But you think itā€™s too bland One day when you have to go Iā€™ll walk Nebraska all alone Singing to you my sweet Lo And taking pictures on my phone Of your favorite dumpster And subway stairs I canā€™t wait to show you When I meet you up there Lorelai, all the words I say to you Slip away like red balloons And get lost in the clouds Lorelai, you know my sky is falling down And youā€™re the cover that Iā€™ve found So donā€™t you ever leave So donā€™t you ever leave So donā€™t you ever leave
10.
Barry 05:03
Where did you go On that afternoon Locked in that sterile room Bet you couldnā€™t wait to escape My heart breaks Thinking of things unsaid The voices inside your head Did they come to Can you hear me calling your name Can you hear me singing in vain Do you still feel all of this pain Do you still feel pain No No All night I weep All day I sleep And speak to you in dreams Now Iā€™m chasing you Itā€™s just not fair They stole you from me Itā€™s not the life I knew Not without you Can you hear me calling your name Can you hear me singing in vain Do you still feel all of this pain Do you still feel pain This pain This pain This pain This pain When itā€™s my time Weā€™ll be never lonely Weā€™ll live by the sea In a land called Honalee But as for now I miss your dearly And without your fearless roar I canā€™t be brave Can you hear me calling your name Can you hear me singing in vain Do you still feel all of this pain Do you still feel pain Can you hear me calling your name Can you hear me singing in vain Do you still feel all of this pain Do you still feel pain No No
11.
I take a peek over your shoulder See your eyes twitch in the night Youā€™re a ship and Iā€™m the iceberg But Iā€™m still way out of sight I remember when you told me Love is not a match for swords But your voice whispers me to Say the words Say the words Say the words I L, O V, E, Y, O You, You You It isnā€™t hard to do Just say it if itā€™s true But you make it seem so easy You come like an early spring Melting all my dirty sleet Teaching all my birds to sing Now weā€™re fighting in the driveway About the trip we canā€™t afford Iā€™d rather go to central PA Than say the words Say the words Love is hanging in the balance Tightrope walking over spikes You can feel it for a second if you try But if you lean too hard To the left or to the right You can lose it all before youā€™ve taken flight And then weā€™ll just be strangers in the night In the frozen food aisle Looking for some ice cream I recognized a smile Reflecting back at me And a man awkwardly turning Makes a joke thatā€™s just for you Though he stumbles I can hear him Say the words Say the words Say the words I L, O V, E, Y, O You, You You It isnā€™t hard to do Just say it if itā€™s true Just say it if itā€™s true Just say it if itā€™s true
12.
...For What? 04:31
Every day I see you walking Down the street with your human Fetching the ball Portraits in the mall And gourmet treats made of salmon But here I am laying in filth Waiting my turn to be slaughtered They call it humane You get it a cute name They murder me and my daughters For what For what Hot dogs by the beach For what For what Cancer and heart disease I hope that theyā€™re worth more than me The cow goes moo And they kill them too The chicks get thrown in the grinder Could they be this mean All for protein I wish they felt this way about fiber Has broccoli gone out of style In the grocery aisle Ironic itā€™s true Itā€™s killing them too But theyā€™re really good at denial For what For what Stinky pink lagoons For what For what Tsunamis and monsoons I hope they figure out it soon Thereā€™s really no difference between us at all I can solve puzzles And you can come with youā€™re called You go woof and I go oink But I think thatā€™s really beside the point A life is a life no matter itā€™s form From the dumbest human To the smartest worm For what For what For what For what

about

This record is dedicated to my dad, Howard Kahn, who left us too soon
REST IN POWER šŸ¤Ÿ ā˜®ļøšŸ•ŠšŸ’š

credits

released December 11, 2020

Words and music by Alex Kahn

All songs, recordings, and artwork Ā©2020 Alexander Jeffrey Kahn
released December 11, 2020

Produced, recorded, and mixed by Doug Raus
Mastered by Sean Svadlenak
Additional recording by - Mariah Reilly
Executive producer - Jay Levin
Recorded and mixed at Turtle Studios, Philadelphia

Album art by Matt Braun

Alex Kahn: vocals, guitar, piano/keys, sax, harmonium, kazoo
Doug Raus: guitar, bass, piano/keys, vocals, percussion
Patrick Berkery: drums, percussion
Tim Brey: piano, Wurlitzer
Steve Tirpak: trumpet, trombone, whistle
Colby Cecca: vocals
David Ralicke: flute

ā€œIn Love With My Therapistā€
Alwayne Spencer - vocals
Dr. Tine Pahl - dialogue

ā€œLorelaiā€
Cameron Sherman-Miller - vocals
Brittany Sherman-Miller - vocals

ā€œNew York Will Never Be Mineā€
Kristina Nolte - vocals
Bradon Kahn - vocals
Nancy Kahn - vocals

Eli Wenger - transmogrifier on ā€œCaliforniaā€™s Just A Feelingā€
Dr. Guthrie Ramsey - consulting

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Alex Kahn Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

recovering popcorn addict

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