As I recline on the leather
Free-associating
I think you must like me better
Than the patients you keep waiting
Or clients as you call them
Are you bored with their problems
Do my stories make you teary
Or do you just have just allergies

Oh no woe woe
Picked last for the kickball game
Oh no woe woe
Wet the bed and cried in shame
Oh no, woe woe
The bully said my shoes were lame
Oh no woe woe woe

I bet you’ve never heard problems like this
I bet you never met someone
This troubled since Oedipus
I’m gifted
I’m drama
Stop asking ‘bout my mama
Here’s a tissue if you starting to mist
Oh I’m In love with my therapist

I don’t know much about you
Except a few simple facts
You live somewhere out in Jersey
With two birds and a cat
And after spilling all my secrets
I think I deserve a little more
Than telling me your favorite
Girl Scout cookie flavor is s’ more

Oh no woe woe
Did I step over the line
Oh no woe woe
When I texted you happy 4th of July
Oh no woe woe
I’ll only text you if it’s an emergency next time
Oh no woe woe woe

Nobody listens to me like you do
And if I didn’t have ya
Oh I just wouldn’t have a clue
About my feelings or my thoughts
Or the memories I lost
Or the meanings of my dreams
And my patterns and my schemes

It’s only been a few weeks
But it feels like it’s been more
Since you took a long vacation
To some Caribbean shore
And I try talking to my friends
But they only try to fix me
And I try talking to my girlfriend
But she only wants to kiss me

Oh no woe woe
All the walls are caving in
Oh no woe woe
I’m fighting noonday demons
Oh no woe woe
I’m crying to Cat Stevens
Oh no woe woe woe

I bet you’ve never heard problems like this
I bet you never met someone
This fucked up since Oedipus
I’m gifted
I’m drama
Stop asking ‘bout my mama
Here’s a tissue if you’re starting to mist
Oh I’m in love with my therapist
Not my barber not my pharmacist
Oh I’m in love
Oh I’m in love
with my therapist
In love
With my therapist
In love
With my therapist